if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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