you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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