i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Couch. On fire.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
