Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
