Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
