Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
