miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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