the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
