hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
