So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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