you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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