Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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