No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
