If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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