Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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