I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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