no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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