shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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