My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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