he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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