The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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