Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
