I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
