I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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