Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
