I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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