Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
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9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
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Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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