So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
