Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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