You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
