i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
