You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
