I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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