batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
