WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
