How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
