the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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