i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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