so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
