She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I want her autograph on my taint
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
