she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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