we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
