He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
where does the pee come out of this thing
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
