your room smells of hookers.
And success
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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