I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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