i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
