it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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