I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
