please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
