I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
