so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize