Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
