I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
