I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
