Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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