I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
