East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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