this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
