I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
