i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
