I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
