We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's shark week go big or go home
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
