I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
