So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
