Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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