The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
