Well apparently he's into motor boating.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
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Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
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Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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