Are we in a gay sports bar?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
