roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
