she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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