dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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