I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
