i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
