Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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