Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
