I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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