Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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